Coping with Divorce

Navigating Divorce

"D-I-V-O-R-C-E" is a weighty word, often carrying judgment, self-criticism, pain, and grief. Coping with divorce can be extremely challenging, particularly as the mind struggles with not only with the emotional impact but also with social changes, identity shifts, legal aspects, financial strain, and coparenting struggles. The profound impact of a divorce cannot be overlooked, and effective self-support can vary for each one of us. It's important to remember that you are not alone; support is available, and a psychologist can help you navigate the challenges before, during, and after divorce.

Coping with Emotions

When facing divorce, people commonly experience grief, anxiety, and relief. Losing a loved one is never easy, and divorce often follows a period of misunderstanding, disappointment, and challenges. The first step in coping with these emotions is accepting their validity. We often judge ourselves for our emotional experiences and attach guilt and shame to them. Coping with grief requires stepping back from heavy emotions, grounding ourselves using deep breathing and sensory techniques, and reflecting on the loss we have experienced. Allowing ourselves time to process the loss, accept what we no longer have, and commit to learning from the experience allows us to move through the period of grief.

Sometimes, people interpret divorce as a personal failure, especially as we typically enter into marriage expecting to spend our lives with that person. The profound loss of this expectation can feel like a personal failure. Understanding that divorce is an acceptable end to a relationship that no longer serves you, focusing on what you learned and gained in the relationship, and reviewing your strengths within the marriage as well as the weaknesses can help prevent your self-esteem from dipping following the divorce.

Furthermore, divorce is often a long procedure marked by periods of debilitation and turmoil. Therefore, reaching the end of this journey can be associated with relief or even excitement. It's natural to experience these positive emotions, and they don't diminish the significance of your past relationship or the pain of separation. Embracing moments of lightness amidst the darkness of divorce doesn't make you callous or indifferent but rather highlights your resilience and capacity for growth. Allow yourself to acknowledge and validate these feelings, recognizing that healing is a multifaceted journey characterized by both ups and downs.

Balancing all Aspects

Balancing the social changes, identity shifts, legal aspects, financial strain, and coparenting struggles associated with divorce can be challenging.

During marriage, it is common to create a mutual social network, and enduring divorce can result in changes in your social life. Additionally, due to the time we typically spend with our partners, their loss can result in significant free time. If you’re struggling with feelings of emptiness and confusion about how to spend your time now, start by reflecting on your social life before your marriage. Reconnecting with old friends and re-engaging with previous hobbies can help. Eventually, you can expand out of your comfort zone and explore the potential for new connections. It may take time, but try being patient with yourself by taking small steps to fill your time and rediscover how to be yourself with new people.

Our identity is strongly influenced by the people we surround ourselves with, and the individual who influences us the most in adulthood is our partner. Losing this influence could feel like a shaking of your identity, and post-divorce, you may want to spend some time redefining who you are. This can include re-evaluating your values, reflecting on who you were before and during your marriage, and who you will aim to be after.

The practical aspects of divorce include legal, financial, and sometimes coparenting struggles. These can be draining to cope with, but there are few perspective changes that can help navigate them. The legal process can be viewed as a means of achieving closure, protecting your rights, and fostering a sense of empowerment. When legal proceedings are particularly difficult to contend with, it can be helpful to rely on your social support system. Similarly, reframing financial strain as an option to now discover ways of enhancing future financial stability and becoming self-reliant can be relieving for some. When it comes to coparenting struggles, a collaborative mindset focused on the well-being of your child as a priority can facilitate smoother discussions. Engaging with a mediator such as a therapist specialized in marital conflict can also be supportive in helping to adopt such a mindset.

Ultimately, providing yourself with unconditional support and care during a divorce is essential. Accepting your emotions as they are, while also committing yourself to finding the silver lining can be difficult, but it is not impossible. Being your own cheerleader and motivating yourself through this difficult time can work as a strong support factor. If you are currently coping with the emotions attached to divorce and could use some valuable support, please reach out.