Coping with Loneliness

Loneliness is an integral part of the human experience, a universal emotion that touches us all. It usually settles in when we find ourselves lacking in social connections and meaningful relationships, often craving love, understanding, and care from others. The experience can be isolating, unsettling, and can leave us feeling a profound sense of emptiness. As human beings, our need for social contact and support is deeply ingrained, so the absence of meaningful connections can feel overwhelmingly debilitating.

One of the reasons we struggle with loneliness is our reluctance to accept our emotions. Too often, we dismiss our feelings or try to distract ourselves from them, resulting in invalidating our own experiences. Yet, our emotions demand acknowledgment and acceptance as part of who we are. Simply recognizing and validating our feelings can be incredibly powerful. Saying to ourselves, "I know not having a relationship is making me feel lonely. My fear and loneliness matter, and they are valid. When I'm ready, I'll find a way to make myself feel better—perhaps by treating myself to a slice of cake today," can help us sit with our emotions and allow them to pass.

Once we allow our emotions to be experienced and pass, we can approach problem-solving from a place of compassion and productivity. As the intensity of the emotion subsides, we can begin to explore strategies for navigating loneliness. While forming new friendships and connections in adulthood can be challenging, it's worth considering various solutions if you're craving social interaction and companionship. This might involve joining social clubs, volunteering, attending community events, or engaging in activities aligned with your interests to meet like-minded individuals and plant new connections. Even small steps can feel overwhelming, but we can remind ourselves they can make a significant difference in alleviating loneliness and enhancing our overall well-being.

Furthermore, loneliness can be exacerbated if our alone and leisure time isn’t used in alignment with our desires. It's easy to spend our free time mindlessly scrolling through Instagram or TikTok, but this can often lead to feeling more drained and excluded. One way we can change this is by spending time in activities that align with our values. Identifying your top three values—such as personal development, financial stability, and creativity—and engaging in activities that align with these values during your alone time can be immensely fulfilling. For instance, for personal development, you could watch a productivity video; for financial stability, you could try out an online finance course; and for creativity, you can use your alone time for colouring or painting. Creativity, in particular, is particularly impactful because it allows you to be curious, have fun and reconnect with the feeling of being a child. These activities, aligned with your values, can help alleviate feelings of loneliness.

Despite loneliness feeling isolating, viewing it from a self-compassionate perspective can provide solace. Within self-compassionate therapy, there is a concept known as "common humanity," which emphasizes that despite our differences, we all share the same basic feelings, needs, and experiences as human beings. Loneliness is a shared experience that every single one of us has encountered at some point in our lives. Recognizing this universal truth can renew a sense of belonging and encourage empathy and understanding toward ourselves.

Loneliness can be challenging to grapple with, but it's important to remember that it's a universal experience, even though it may feel isolating. Positive self-talk, solution-focused socializing, and engaging in value-aligned activities can be practical strategies for navigating loneliness. Most importantly, give yourself space and acknowledge that loneliness is simply a result of one of our core needs as human beings not being met.