Empathy

Empathy is the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences, to look at events from their perspective, and to evaluate events in this way. It is about understanding someone else's feelings and seeing the reasons behind their actions.

We all encounter situations in life that make us angry, surprised, or disapproved. These situations sometimes cause great disappointment in us. We can't believe what has happened, what has been said, or what has been done. Especially when we are directly involved, anger and resentment can sometimes mix together. We wonder how someone can behave like this, how they can say such things to us, whether they don't love us at all, and we form sentences like how selfish they are, and the more we think about them, the angrier we become. When the incident happens to a friend or an acquaintance, our feelings are less intense, but still, we tend to take sides and criticize the other party. This situation ends our collaborations, terminates our friendships, estranges us from our neighbors, and makes us unhappy in our lives. This situation becomes even more difficult as anger and resentment grow within us. One way to overcome this feeling is to try to develop our empathic side.

Being able to imagine ourselves on the other side of the event we experienced, putting ourselves in the shoes of the other party, and thinking a little about what lies behind the sentences uttered are necessary. Sometimes we remember a conversation we had ourselves, sometimes we remember what was said to us before. Our brain opens and closes old files, brings appropriate memories to our minds.

Our perspective on events forms the basis of our perception of the world. How do we see the world and events? Is our glass half empty or half full? When we are inclined to see the empty side of the glass, our feeling of unhappiness increases, but when we see the full side, our hope increases. Perhaps someone will come and refill our glass before it's empty. Just as our glasses are constantly kept full in restaurants, when we try to trust in life, it might provide that for us too. Such as people who buy tickets with their last money and win or help that comes just when they need it. This situation is also somewhat present in empathetic approach. There is a good side to every negative event. When we stop and think, and especially when time passes, we begin to see the aspects of events where the glass is full. Every event we experience teaches us good or bad lessons. Have I experienced a similar situation? Has someone I know experienced it? Since life is full of repetitions, similar situations must have occurred. Sometimes it feels familiar even from the book we read or the movie we watched. After all, aren't scenarios literary stories told in a beautiful way of real-life events?

Take some time to evaluate the events. Before shouting at someone, think about it a bit, re-evaluate the situation. This gives us an opportunity to maintain relationships, not to act impulsively, and to see the details where we might also be wrong. If you have a therapist, try to really hear the sentences they construct when you talk to them, or when you confide in a family member. Because sometimes we can actually be the reason for this unwanted situation. Sometimes the issue is entirely about what the other person has experienced and their state of mind. Maybe it's coming to you as a cry for help from the other person. Try to listen to your friend, really hear them, don't let your responses be on autopilot, speak sincerely, and follow what you say. The advice the person gives is actually the advice they give to themselves. Make sure you hear their advice and your own advice too. Moreover, as you value the other person, and as sharing increases, they will start to show you the same understanding. Of course, sometimes there may be situations and conditions that goodness, clarity, and understanding cannot solve, and in that case, you can focus on the lessons you will learn when you evaluate the situation from both sides, and consider the issue as an opportunity for education, learning, and development. We generally say why negative events happen to me, but sometimes the lesson is not ours, it is the other one’s lesson, and we have just participated in this lesson.

Life is shaped by where our perception and perspective are heading. If we look at evil and negativity, we find reasons to be unhappy, if we look at the positive side of goodness, we find reasons to be happy, and sometimes little bit of both. Whatever we do, let's allow ourselves and those around us the opportunity to objectively evaluate the situations we experience. Remember, what goes around comes around.